We need to experience grieving the end of a relationship in the same way we grieve the death or loss of a person or thing.
Too often people forget to allow themselves the space and the freedom to go through each stage of the grief process when a relationship ends. They feel like they ‘should’ be able to move forward, or get over it, or not experience each stage. The truth is that each stage is a part of the journey in getting you ready for the next chapter in your life.
An intimate relationship ending is very much a loss and each stage of the grief process will be experienced and at times we can bounce back and forth between the stages.
Let’s have a look at the stages of grief now…
Denial
- Impact is massive
- You don’t realise the impact
- Takes the body a while to realise
- Feel what’s been undone
Blame / Anger
- When the loss is quick can go to blame first
- Low on certainty
- How did this happen
- Searching for meaning for why it happened
- Why? = Putting meaning to it
Bargaining
- Fighting spirit
- This isn’t fair
- Why did this happen
- We need meaning
- If we don’t find meaning then we go to depression or despair
- Giving into the reality of loss
Depression / Despair
- Anger, blame, bargaining hasn’t worked
- Punishing people around you
- Punishing self
- Make people walk on egg shells
- A belief around what has happened
- Connect with self
Accept Reality / Acceptance
- Leading yourself to life and what to look forward to
Spiritual Choice
- What did the loss mean to you?
- How would ____________ want you to live?
- What did they stand for or what did the relationship stand for?
- What was there life all about or what was the relationship all about?
- There love is still inside you.
- How can you change your life?
It’s not a betrayal to move on or let go of the person who has passed. We can then shift from what you didn’t get to experience to what you did get to experience.
So if you have recently lost someone, a relationship has ended or a person has left your life, notice what stage you are at, and allow yourself the freedom to be with where you are at.