So, has anyone ever had a case of ‘cranky bitch’? I know I certainly have and I’m sure you too have at some point or another. The emotional state that I call ‘cranky bitch’ doesn’t work well in your intimate relationship, the outcome is not normally one that is in line with creating a life you love!
So what do you do when ‘cranky bitch’ rears her head? Why is she coming out? What is it that you are really seeking from going to this state?
What I have found is that 9 times out of 10, if I get really straight with myself, why ‘cranky bitch’ has reared it’s head is because I have not taken any time for myself. In fact, I will have been putting everyone needs before my own.
And what I learned to do in the past that by being ‘cranky bitch’ this then makes people leave me alone, allows me to take time out for myself, has everyone avoid talking to me (for fear I might bite their head off) and the list goes on…
HOWEVER, this is not in line with having an amazing relationship or family environment, in fact it actually creates the direct opposite. So, yes I may get time out for myself, thought at what cost? The cost of having an AWESOME relationship that I love and enjoy and having a family unit that is open, loving and full of happiness.
So, what I’ve learned is there is a much more powerful place to achieve the outcome that ‘cranky bitch’ was created to achieve…though in truth she ultimately never got the outcome she was really seeking.
That is embracing my feminine (a calm, grounded, centered place), recognizing what it is I really need in that moment, and communicating it from that place.
So a member of the ‘infinite community’ who sent me this query the other day:
- What state does Russell (my man) go to when I do ‘cranky bitch’?
- What does he say to you when you are being ‘cranky bitch’?
- What do you want from him when you are in ‘cranky bitch’?
Here is what I would so say about that…
1. What state does Russell go to when I do ‘cranky bitch’
When I have gone to ‘cranky bitch’, one of two things can happen.
One; Russell in the past may have got activated by ‘cranky bitch’ and made that mean something about him, that he’s done something wrong or how have I upset her today, or why doesn’t she love me.
When the scenario above takes place, it can lead to an argument, miscommunication or even world war 1. You know those times where you hope to achieve one outcome and yet the direct opposite shows up!!!
Two; What Russell has learned to do, is when I go to ‘cranky bitch’, he leaves me to it. He is no longer activated by me choosing to go to this place. Instead he will tell me he loves me, ask if there is anything he can do to help me move through (and honor and respect if I say yes or no to this question) and let me know he’ll be here for me when I’m done being ‘cranky bitch’.
Which leads to the second question:
2. What does he say to you when you are being ‘cranky bitch’
What he use to say and how he use to be would actually add fuel to the fire of cranky bitch. What he’s now learned to do it not to ignite the fire any further, rather just be there for me.
The flip side of that is ME taking responsibility for choosing to go to ‘cranky bitch’. You see it’s not Russell responsibility to defuse the situation, he can choose how he reacts to it, I however can also choose to use my empowering state vs ‘cranky bitch’.
3. What do I really want from him when you are in ‘cranky bitch’
As I said previously 9 times out of 10 what I really want and need is a moment to myself. What I am seeking from Russell in that moment is love and support.
‘Cranky bitch’ really is a means to an end…she never gets me what I really want or need. She gets me ‘time to myself’ or ‘people leaving me alone’. Though in truth what I really want is LOVE…
By embracing my feminine state, and asking for what I want and need I get everything I want and so much more.
By recognizing that what I need in that moment is time for me. Which may be 10 minutes, just sitting and breathing, taking a moment to just be. By communicating this to Russell ‘baby I’m just going to take a few minutes for me’, or ‘baby I don’t know why I’m agitated and cranky today, what I need is some time and space for me to just be’, this then reminds him that how I am being has nothing to do with him, it’s me moving through something for myself.
Here are the 3 tips I implement when ‘cranky bitch’ or any other emotional state that doesn’t work for me rears it’s head:
- Stop, breath, check in with self, what is it that I really want and need in this moment.
- Communicate with my partner (or anyone else) what it is I really want or need in this moment
- Be responsible for where I’m at and what I need, and take the required action to get me back to ME.