Most people are complaining about their relationship or their partner at some level, either out loud or quietly to themselves.
Your partner is just not lighting you up or exiting you like you imagined they would or like they use to do.
It’s not the dream relationship you had in mind or thought it would be when you first started.
The sad truth is that everybody seems to think that an awesome relationship should just happen, when you met your dream partner there was this exiting new bond, an intense passion, sparks flew there was magic happening. You think that should be enough and that those experiences will last forever. It should be this is should be that…you are essentially ‘shoulding’ all over your relationship!!!
Unfortunately it does not work that way. If you want your relationship to stay at the level it was at the beginning, I’m sorry to tell you, it is going to take a conscious effort by YOU to keep it in good shape.
At first, that can occur like a big task, a lot of time and effort. Often I feel like I’m fighting with people who want an awesome relationship to get them to put in a little bit of effort.
And the reality is it does not take the same amount of time and effort you put into your work, golf game, children, family, friends.
You see if you look at your life any area you are doing well in, you are spending time on, making sacrifices, letting go of something, giving something up.
Nobody succeeds at anything without some amount of effort.
Most of us sit around in our relationship waiting for the other person to change instead of changing it for ourselves or creating the relationship we desire.
If you want to have a great relationship stop trying to change your partner into a great partner and focus on YOU being a great partner. ‘Trying’ doesn’t exist in reality…you are either doing it or not doing it…there is NO TRY!
We have so many great ways to make your relationship awesome, some of them may seem small; the point is though what they all do is to some degree change your mindset.
Once your mindset changes your relationship will change.
Here have a go with this little EXERCISE:
Every morning when I wake up, before I get up I look over to my partner ‘Gail’ and I check in with myself. I see if I am still in love with her today like I was yesterday? Do I still feel passionate about the relationship? Do I still see her as sexy and beautiful as I did yesterday? Does she still excite me and light me up?
If I find anything that is out in these areas I look and see how come? I ask myself what am I holding onto? What am I being right about? What level is my commitment to having an awesome relationship at? Is there anything I need to communicate that I have been withholding? Are there any stories about her or me that is getting in the way?
As I work through this I let go of what I need to until I get to the point where I feel the same about her now as I did yesterday. Once that is done I kiss her and get out of bed.
Now that may seem like it takes ages and is a lot of work and in truth it takes a few minutes max. Normally there is nothing going on anyway.
If you have not been doing this in your life though you may have build up some things that take a little more work to let go of, you find there are some hidden things. It may not happen immediately. You may have to work at it every morning for a few weeks or even months.
Once you get yourself back to a great place, then it becomes easier to maintain. The majority of people who choose do work on their relationship don’t start until it is really broken so beware of that and don’t expect it to all happen at once.
Like anything good you have in your life you got it through working at it, spending time on it. A relationship is no different.
Your intimate relationship is the most important part of your life so please give it the time and effort it deserves. Don’t take it for granted and expect it to maintain itself. Stop ‘shoulding’ all over your relationship and start creating a relationship you love, honor and are happy with everyday.